Crossroads

I suppose the title of this post kind of  tells you where this is going.


It's not that I haven't been at crossroads before in my life before.  It's just different this time.  Maybe because before I always had something more important than my wants to deal with.  But now, both of my children are almost grown and I'm finding that I haven't really done what I want with my life.


I guess I just feel like being a little selfish.  I want to take more chances.  Not play it safe all the time.  I felt I always had to do that before with two children to raise.  And a marriage to work on.  And, yes, marriage is work for all those that are new to it or never tried it.  Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the work.  I just wish that I had taken more chances with my life.


I don't want anyone to think that I'm complaining because my life has been pretty good.  It sure could have been a hell of a lot worse!  But, in this blog I want to be able to voice my feelings without having to worry about what my family might say and/or think.  And I've never been one to have "girlfriends" to talk to.  My sisters have always been my best friends, but they're family....


I suppose the discontent has been growing for a while.  Since we first moved to Phoenix from Virginia.  In Virginia, I had a job that I loved and my youngest (at least) was content as well.  However, my husband and oldest daughter decided they both wanted a change of scenery.


After several months of talking about it, I agreed, but wanted to have six months of down time to get settled in before looking for a job.  I was promised that.  But, it didn't happen.  Two months after moving to Phoenix, my husband asked me to find a job as soon as I could.  I reminded him of our agreement and he that things had changed!


Ok, so I found a job.  One that I stayed with for six years and was quite happy with.  It wasn't the career I wanted, but understood the need for the income, so stayed.  Then our oldest didn't like living in Phoenix and wanted to go back to VA.  Luckily, we still have family there and she could do that.


For the purposes of keeping this short, six years later, we moved to North Carolina to be closer to family and the schools are better on the east coast.  A definite need with our youngest starting high school.  Again, I was told I would have at least six months before having to look for a job.  That and I would be helping my husband with his business since I'm much better at office tasks than he is.  But, once again, we had no sooner moved in than I was asked to look for a job.  There happened to be an opening with a company here in NC that provided the same services as the company I worked for in Phoenix.  It wasn't what I wanted to do, but considering the economy, I applied and got the job.


So, now I'm working a job that I really don't want.  In a marriage that I'm really not sure that I want anymore.  And trying to get my youngest through school....who happens to have Aspergers.


I guess I'm just ready to take chances.  To go after what I want.  Everyone keeps telling me that now is not the best of times, but when is?  How long do you wait to go after what you want?  Crossroads.....