And life goes on......

Watched 'Midnight in Paris' last night.  What a great film!  I won't spoil it for those who haven't seen it yet, but it did get me to thinking about life in general.


It always seems that the grass is greener in the yard next to us, but is it really?  I mean, every move, every decision comes with consequences.  We've all wondered "what if", right?  And that's fine.  You just can't let it consume your life.  I mean, for every move we make, there are a hundred others that could have been taken.  Are we supposed to know them all?  NO!!! 


We have to do what's right for us at that time.  Not in the past, not in the future.  Maybe that's why I live by the philosophy of no regrets.  Why waste the time?


I mean, sure, what if I'd never gone walking to the corner store the night I first met my husband?  Then I wouldn't have the two beautiful girls that I do now.  I wouldn't have had the heartbreak I've had with either.  But that doesn't mean I wouldn't have had that heartbreak with someone else.


Life is what we make of it!!  Plain and simple.  There will always be problems, just as there will always be solutions.  It's just that those solutions may not appeal to us very much.  Take the current situation of the world in general.  Many, many people have fallen on hard times.  But for every person that has fallen, there's also been a reconnection to what really matters.  


Life is full of choices...you can choose to let the "down" times defeat you or you can look them straight in the face, accept the lesson and move forward.  And moving forward will be the hardest decision you will ever make because the majority of the time you're moving into the unknown.


As an example, ten years ago my marriage was on the rocks.  Neither of us was sure we wanted to stay married, but didn't know what to do about it either.  Then, my husband had an affair.  It lasted for nine months.  By the end of it, I was devastated.  But, I also had to be honest and realize that the affair was as much my fault as his.  Yes, he had the affair, but I, in turn allowed it to happen.  I knew he was having the affair.  In fact, I knew the night he started it.  I have a diary entry with proof of that.  But, I did nothing about it.  I said nothing.  Ergo...I was just as much to blame.


After much soul searching, on both our parts, we decided to stick it out.  To try harder, to talk more, to just be there for each other.  I'm not saying that it's easy.  FAR FROM IT!!  But anything worth having is worth fighting and working hard for.  You just need to decide for yourself if what you're working for is what you want.  You have to want it or it won't work no matter how hard you try.  And in the case of relationships, you both have to want it.  It still takes two the last time I checked!!


There will always be doubts from time to time.  And what you've worked for in the past may not be the right thing to work for in the future.  Life is constant change.  It has to be or everything becomes stagnant.  And that's a pretty stinky situation to be in the last time I checked ;-)


Deep down, we all know what is right for us.  It's just that 95% of the time, it takes a leap of faith.  A scary prospect, I know, but trust me....It's well worth it, whether you succeed or fail.  But, then again, if you took that leap, you didn't really fail did you?


So, 'til next time...take a deep breath and realize that life does go on.....

Crossroads

I suppose the title of this post kind of  tells you where this is going.


It's not that I haven't been at crossroads before in my life before.  It's just different this time.  Maybe because before I always had something more important than my wants to deal with.  But now, both of my children are almost grown and I'm finding that I haven't really done what I want with my life.


I guess I just feel like being a little selfish.  I want to take more chances.  Not play it safe all the time.  I felt I always had to do that before with two children to raise.  And a marriage to work on.  And, yes, marriage is work for all those that are new to it or never tried it.  Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the work.  I just wish that I had taken more chances with my life.


I don't want anyone to think that I'm complaining because my life has been pretty good.  It sure could have been a hell of a lot worse!  But, in this blog I want to be able to voice my feelings without having to worry about what my family might say and/or think.  And I've never been one to have "girlfriends" to talk to.  My sisters have always been my best friends, but they're family....


I suppose the discontent has been growing for a while.  Since we first moved to Phoenix from Virginia.  In Virginia, I had a job that I loved and my youngest (at least) was content as well.  However, my husband and oldest daughter decided they both wanted a change of scenery.


After several months of talking about it, I agreed, but wanted to have six months of down time to get settled in before looking for a job.  I was promised that.  But, it didn't happen.  Two months after moving to Phoenix, my husband asked me to find a job as soon as I could.  I reminded him of our agreement and he that things had changed!


Ok, so I found a job.  One that I stayed with for six years and was quite happy with.  It wasn't the career I wanted, but understood the need for the income, so stayed.  Then our oldest didn't like living in Phoenix and wanted to go back to VA.  Luckily, we still have family there and she could do that.


For the purposes of keeping this short, six years later, we moved to North Carolina to be closer to family and the schools are better on the east coast.  A definite need with our youngest starting high school.  Again, I was told I would have at least six months before having to look for a job.  That and I would be helping my husband with his business since I'm much better at office tasks than he is.  But, once again, we had no sooner moved in than I was asked to look for a job.  There happened to be an opening with a company here in NC that provided the same services as the company I worked for in Phoenix.  It wasn't what I wanted to do, but considering the economy, I applied and got the job.


So, now I'm working a job that I really don't want.  In a marriage that I'm really not sure that I want anymore.  And trying to get my youngest through school....who happens to have Aspergers.


I guess I'm just ready to take chances.  To go after what I want.  Everyone keeps telling me that now is not the best of times, but when is?  How long do you wait to go after what you want?  Crossroads.....